Archive | March, 2012

Unplugging from the Matrix

19 Mar

Hello cyberspace

These days I’m feeling like Nemo in the famous movie scene of Matrix when he has to choose between the red and the blue pill…

I too choose the red pill and will set out on this adventure of the True Life, leaving my existence as a system slave behind me.

Tomorrow I will do the most important step of letting go my old life by quitting my job. Now I am about to choose but sometimes I think if I could just go back to the Matrix, stay safe at home…

In this mood I am vulnerable and when a good friend tells me “Oh I wish you wouldn’t go now, I will miss you so much sister of my heart” my Heart leaps and grieves the losses to come. For I know full well that friends and family are the most valuable “thing” one can have in life, so why leave them behind? Naturally being close friends I will not loose her friendship due to distance or part time negligence, so this is no excuse πŸ˜‰ What I find though is that I crave to be needed. Needed as a friend, a daughter and a valuable working slave of my company. Haha yes pure ego satisfaction this. I’ll have to figure it out – the doubts, the loneliness and desperation. As I free myself from being needed (at least in my mind) I am looking to become useful (for real).

The illusion is I have to choose between freedom or security. That the one cannot exist without the other, but this is just a mental pretext, one that I hope to overcome. How? by realizing all is generated out of my inner center, the Security and the Freedom! The illusion and fear stem from the materialistic overlay of the psyche, because we fear for the wellbeing of possessions, rather than the Self. It is about Trust too.

In this beautiful and rich country I live most people are totally attached to security. I know it well, this is why it has taken me so long to dare this adventure, and it is the reason I doubt now, why I’m afraid. To let go of all attachment is my souls desire and this gives me the strength to go through with it, to liberate myself, to be free! And not just for a time and then go back to being a system slave. No, true freedom comes from the inside not the outside. And I am fully aware that much of my efforts will have to go into finding a new way of making a living! I want to dig the dirt and plant a seed, so we’ll never have to go hungry.

And just during these days of doubt drops an unbelievably uplifting and supporting message into my inbox from an old work buddy of all people πŸ˜‰ For once there is actually a man interested in what I am doing and I appreciate this deeply. Besides all the support and good wishes what touched me the most was that apparently after reading this Blog he understood what I am trying to say! Wow now that’s really something I like to be proud of, because honestly so far my bubbling here seemed to me quite uncoordinated and experimental. But it is a fact that I do have a message and it seems to shine through in my writing, can you see it too?

“It’s true we’re all prisoners in this psycho race of economical growth, but only a few ever dare to create a different life. I want to break out too… but our society is not supportive and in the end the security thought prevails everything else. This egoistic greediness is really sick, together it would be so much easier!”

Yes my dear that’s pretty much what I am trying to say here, thanks for understanding !